What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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