I haven't been this sober since birth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
