Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
