Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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