Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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