Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
