I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
