a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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