also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
