apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
