i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
