respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Randomize
