Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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