Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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