I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
