so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.