Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
