A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.