Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
