he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
