Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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