I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just threw up on my dentist
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
