My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's blow job season.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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