i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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