i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
