We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
