Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
