I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
