Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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