My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
