I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
