I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
