I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think i have herpe
just one?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
