i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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