There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
