im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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