I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
