____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
