haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
