$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
