i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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