Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
