bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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