How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
be right there i have to get my cape
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
