Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
