The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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