i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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