never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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