hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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