I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
