She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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