8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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