Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
