don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
