Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
