she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
