If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
