Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
