I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
