Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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