Moan for me like Helen Keller
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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