Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
