This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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