I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
