Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
