Small penises have feelings too.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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