I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to have your abortion
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
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im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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