You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
